Kidisms

July 2010

• Anneke: “Mom, where are the Venus fly trap seeds? Because we want to plant some in the garage. There’s a tons of flies in there.”

June 2010

• Anneke: “Griffon, chew your peppermint. If you don’t, you could choke on it and die… And if you die, you won’t be able to go to the pool… And if you go to the pool, you’ll just sink.”

May 2010

• Kieran: “Awww! Wet shirt contest, and the prize is $400?!?! And it already passed, and we missed it?!?!”

April 2010

• Kieran: “Eww! Did you just put poop on my knuckles?!”
  Anneke: “No.”
  Kieran: “Vagina juice?”
  Anneke: “No.”
  (long pause)
  Anneke: “Vagina juice is pee.”
• Anneke: “Oh look! Buttercups! … They smell like butter. And cups.”

March 2010

• Griffon: (unintelligible)
  Alicia: “You want SpongeBob?”
  Griffon: “No! I want Grass Monkey MUSIC!”
  Alicia: “Okay, but we have to turn off Toy Story, okay?”
  Griffon: “Ashally (actually)… I want SpongeBob.”
  Alicia: “Well, I don’t know if it’s on. I can turn the movie off and see what’s on TV if you want.”
  Griffon: “Ashally… Ni Hao Kai-Lan.”
  Alicia: “I can turn the movie off and see what’s on TV, okay?”
  Griffon: “No! I want jumping jacks MOVIE!”
  Alicia: “You want to watch the exercise DVD?”
  Griffon: “No! Not exercise DVD! I want bagel!”

February 2010

• Kieran: “I don’t actually have diarrhea, Dad. It’s just that… right now… I’m peeing out my bottom.”
• Alicia: “Hey, Kieran, I met an astronaut today.”
  Kieran: “Where’d he go?”
  Alicia: “She.”
  Kieran: “Where’s that?”

January 2010

• Anneke: “You’re a pain in the butt-tops!”
• Kieran: “I think someone will want to marry me, especially because I want to drive planes… Plane drivers are really fancy.”
• Brad: “Kieran, can you help Griffon wash his hands… just turn on the water?”
  Kieran: “Yeah. Where *is* the water?”

December 2009

• Anneke: “Daddy doesn’t really like presents. All he cares about is hisself… Like Squidward.”
• Anneke: “Uncle Drew doesn’t say very much, but when he does, he sounds like a robot.”
• Anneke: “I’m glad we don’t go camping very much because I don’t like marshmallows.”
• When Gigi commented on her trouble getting the Advent candles to stay upright…
  Kieran: “Maybe because you’re hideous, and they don’t want to follow your rules!”

November 2009

• Me: “Hey, S___’s grandma said she can come to a movie with us.”
  Kieran: “Cool! Can S___ come?!”
• Anneke: “Dad, did you know that chicken is DEAD CHICKEN?!”
• Relayed from my mom… “So we’re at Applebees this afternoon, and Anneke has to go to the bathroom. Her stomach must have been a little upset because she had a little diarrhea. She got her panties dirty, so I told her we would just take them off and she could put her pants back on without panties.”
  Omi: “Anneke, have you ever worn pants without panties?”
  Anneke: “No, but I have worn a dress without panties.”
  (True story. Brad gave her a dress to wear to school one day, but no underwear. So that’s what she wore.)
• Anneke asked Omi to print another butterfly picture for her…
  Omi: “I can’t because Momma said it was bedtime.”
  Anneke: “But you’re her mom.”
• Brad: “Kieran, did you miss Anneke today?”
  Kieran: “Yeah.”
  Anneke: “But I thought you didn’t like me!”

October 2009

• Anneke: “I know ghosts aren’t real because you can’t see them. And I’ve never heard someone say, ‘Boo!’ in an empty room.”
• Kieran: “Oh man! I forgot to brush my teeth every night!”

August 2009

• Kieran: “First rule of naptime, Anneke [don't talk about naptime]: When I’m asleep, don’t just wake me up the first minute I’m asleep and start partying with me.”
  Anneke: “But I like partying.”
  Kieran: “Yeah, but not when it’s naptime.”
• Alicia: “Hey Kieran, do you notice anything weird about what you’re wearing?”
  Kieran: “My collar is too big?”
  Alicia: “Why don’t you go look in the mirror and try to figure out what’s wrong.”
  Kieran: “I already did.”
  [Brad takes pictures of Kieran from the front and back (below) and shows them to him.]

  
  
  [Looking at the second photo] Kieran: “Oh! It’s unzipped!”
  [Brad and Alicia die of laughter.]

• Anneke: “Why is my birthday always on June 4th?”
  Brad: “Because that’s the day you were born. You have one once a year. That’s how birthdays work.”
  Anneke: “Ugh. I almost said a bad word at that.”
• Kieran: “Dad, you were right. Monopoly is hard, and it’s compucated. But if I get Boardwalk, I’m just gonna crash into the wall of the bank and steal all the money.”
• Anneke: “Kieran, will you hold these bags for me?” (holds out the backpacks she’s taking to Omi’s)
  Kieran: “No, I’m too busy goofing off. I’m too busy BLASTING OFF.”
• Anneke: “Ewww! Buddy just stuck his bottom in my face!”
  Kieran: (exasperated) “Anneke! That just means he’s tired!”

July 2009

• Anneke: “Never stick your fingers in Archer’s nose holes because they are too small for your fingers… Griffon stuck his fingers in my nose holes, but that is because my nose holes are big.”
• Kieran, in response to giant poop sounds from Archer: “Good one. Now can you stop blowing bubbles in your pants?”
• Kieran, in the bath with Griffon: “Do you want me to pee on you?”
  Griffon: “No.”
  Kieran: “Or yes.”
• Kieran, to me, as I was getting in the shower: “Your breasts look really long now. They look like a peanut. A giant peanut.”
• Anneke, to Griffon, explaining dinner: “Beef is the Spanish word for chicken.”
• Griffon, regarding a Pink Pearl eraser: “Car!”
  Brad: “It’s an eraser.”
  Griffon: “A racer! Vroom!”
• Anneke, commenting on my back after a bath: “It’s shinier than a golden robot.”

June 2009

• Anneke, before handing me this): “I found this stylish picture for you to hang up at work.”
• Kieran, at Sam’s Club: “I was looking at the TVs, but I was pretending to look at the mattresses. That way, no one would see me watching ‘Tinkerbell.’”
• Kieran, on sex: “They better wipe their bottom, or I’m not gonna do that.”
• Anneke: “I need to go poop, so I can run faaaast!”

April 2009

• Anneke: “Griffon has sunscream on! I know because I licked him for accidentally.”