Happy 6th Birthday, Anneke Blue

Dear Anneke,

Today, you are six.

I remember when you were new to us. Daddy and I were both bald babies, and Kieran had been bald, so we were totally shocked by your dark hair.

And you never stopped shocking me.

You’re the child who does what she wants. Break your finger jumping off an air conditioner? If you feel the need to jump again, it’s happening. 737th time-out for jumping on Momma’s and Daddy’s bed? I can count on you to do it again and plant your face right on the edge of the desk, leaving teeth marks a quarter of an inch deep.

You scare me. No matter how hard I try to protect you, everything is new to you. You’re willing to do or say anything to get what you want. The only thing that’s predictable about you is your unpredictability. And your disdain for rules.

You’ve taught me a lot. You’ve taught me that I didn’t deserve a whole lot of credit for Kieran’s perfect behavior or sleeping habits. You’ve taught me that kids with the same parents could share almost none of the same traits. You’ve taught me that I could enjoy having a girlie daughter. You’ve taught me that girlie and rule-breaker aren’t necessarily mutually exclusive.

You’re a daughter in a house of sons. You wanted a sister both of the times your younger brothers were born. When Archer was born, I was happy Griffy would have a little brother just two years younger, but I was also so sad that you’d never have a sister. I wish I could have given you that relationship.

In the last few months, you’ve backed off your art a little bit. You still lose yourself in it sometimes, but the times seem less frequent recently. Maybe it will ebb and flow. I hope so. I hope you’re not losing your passion. I try not to care because you’re simply perfect as you are, but that passion and talent were total surprises. I’d forgotten that art might be in my genes, passed from my dad, until you were born. It’s the one thing about him that still seems like it’s living, because of you.

You were due the day after his birthday, and you were born the day after the anniversary of his death. You remind me the most of him – or at least of how I imagine he might have been if I’d had the opportunity to know him longer.

We have the most complicated relationship, you and me. I don’t know why that is. I’m sure some of it has to do with gender and the complexities of mother-daughter relationships. I’m sure some of it has to do with our personalities.

I wish it were easier, but maybe the best relationships are complicated.

Either way, I love you so, so much. I hope you really know that, all the way to your soul. You’re my best, best girl.

Momma

P.S. At six, you like:

• reading books to yourself in your bed at bedtime
• hoarding unremarkable objects (like a washed tray from a frozen dinner)
• pretty things like jewelry
• Disney princesses
• taking care of Archer
• baths
• birthdays
• growing plants in the mini-greenhouse
• flowers
• school
• friends
• making cards for people
• cleaning
• school library books
• fruit
• sweets
• science
• pizza night

At six, you do NOT like:

• bedtime
• hiking
• bees

Tagged as: Anneke, Birthday, Parenting, School