A Staph Infection. In MY BOOB.

I think I have mastitis. Which is, you know, a staph infection. In MY BOOB.

I’ve nursed three children — a total of more than four years — and it’s only happened one time before. WHICH IS IMPORTANT. It drives me INSANE when women call ye olde ordinary plugged duct “mastitis.” Mastitis STARTS with a plugged duct, but then it watches Shark Week on the Discovery Channel and gets PISSED OFF and has sex with a hooker and punches a few people in the neck in a bar and gives your boob a staph infection because it’s a badass. I’ve had countless plugged ducts. They’re painful, but they’re nowhere near the horror that is mastitis.

Dooce wrote something about it recently. I remember reading and going, “Yep, that’s pretty much what it feels like.” HORROR.

Well, I feels it again.

I woke up with a plugged duct, and now I’m getting the all-over flu-like symptoms. My legs are KILLING me, and my arms and neck are achey, and I’m starting to feel like I’ve got a low-grade fever. When we were out earlier, I was shaking and couldn’t figure out why. Oh yeah. Probably the staph bacteria consuming me from the inside.

I just found what I wrote the last time I had mastitis (I’m really gonna try to move all that stuff over here at some point). It scared me. Edited from July 3, 2007:

On Sunday, I had the worst fever and achiness that I swear I’ve ever had. I was in a sweatshirt and pajama pants under two blankets on the couch for about four hours straight, and I swear I could NOT get warm. I felt like I had been run over.

I went to my OB yesterday. She prescribed this antibiotic I have to take every 6 hours. Then, she gave me this speech about how I have to be vigilant about taking it on a schedule “or else I’ll see you in a couple days to cut open your breast.” And then, “Oh, and I don’t THINK you’ll get a yeast infection, but just in case, I’ll give you a coupon for something over the counter.” Niiice.

Several things about this. Like? Sweatshirt, pajama pants, and two blankets. IN JULY. IN TEXAS. The ABCESS that can develop that requires that your staphy boob be CUT OPEN AND DRAINED. And, oh yeah, the antibiotic-induced yeast infection.

I’m gonna go barf in the kitchen sink now.